Loud, but Not Clear

We can't all be listeners!

At my house we like to play a game called Can I Guess What You Just Said?

My husband has been having problems hearing normal conversation lately. When I gently informed him of his brand new annoying condition, his excuse was hardly original. “I was eating a potato chip.” If that’s the case, he must have chips tucked away in every nook, cranny and pocket because he’s constantly saying, “What! What was that?”

The children are concerned. Apparently, I’ve also lost the ability to distinguish sounds. When hubby said, “Our electric bill went up,” I did a quick assessment to make sure I got it right and shot back, “Did you say our liquor bill went up?” Get one word wrong and you’re an idiot. Sheesh. Later my daughter asked, “Hey, Ma, do you need me to go to the Post Office for you?” and I said, “Did you say there’s an alligator in the backyard?” By the look on her face I could tell there was nothing else to do but try again. “Did you say…?” Not one correct word, not even close.

Then, magically, as if AsSeenOnTv leprechauns were listening in on our family’s dilemma, a commercial came on television. “Ever wonder what people are saying about you?” No. What I don’t know will keep me from embarrassing attempts to preserve my reputation. “So powerful you can hear a pin drop from across the room.” If a pin falls on carpet, does it make a sound?

While I was busy refuting the benefits of personal sound amplification devices, I missed bits and pieces of the commercial. Intellect, by the way, is the sense that kicks in when your hearing goes kapootie. When the spokesperson said, “…keep an ear on your children when they’re out of range…,” my ears perked up. With several fresh examples of recent communication mishaps, a thought occurred to me. Yes, My Listening Lordship, I would like to know what the children are saying to me and about me.

The offer was bogo. Buy one, get one. Get two for the price of one, plus shipping and handling, of course. Chances were good to excellent that if I could get one of these spy-like devices around one of hubby’s ears, he would have no choice but to listen to me when I talk. And at least one kid could relax and stop worrying about us old folks embarrassing them. I didn’t make the purchase, however. I realized hubby and I might not have hearing problems. It could be we have a paying attention problem. But then again, we can’t all be listeners.

THIS, BTW, was the official JODIE RANDISI entry for the Erma Bombeck Essay Contest.

Temper Tantrums, from Toddlers to Teens

Waaaaaaah!

This article (written for another online community) is rather lengthy, so I posted it here as a link as well as the full text. I’m not only a veteran, apparently I’m a rarity, a master if you will (see second paragraph). I survived many toddler tantrums as well as a few teen-aged tantrums, and as a result, I am pleased to offer advice. This article is for the newbs just starting out with two-year olds as well as battle weary parents of teens and tweens. Let me know what you think (leave a comment) and I’ll send you a FREE gift, a downloadable report with some fun stuff in it.

Temper Tantrums (click here for article below)

We’ve all witnessed it – a child wailing, screaming, waving limbs around, completely out of control. Few things are as aggravating or exhausting as power struggles with children, and it makes no difference if they’re toddlers or teenagers, the angst is the same. If you find yourself nagging, arguing or threatening, being ignored by your children or having your authority challenged, then this article is for you.

When our three children were young and I said, “No,” to candy at the grocery story, they dropped the subject. Onlookers found that extraordinary, and for that reason, I was told, “You should write a book!” Although I didn’t do that, I did successfully launch three progeny into the real world. In other words, these tips have been thoroughly tested and are expert-approved.

Tantrum Tips for Parents of Toddlers

It might seem as though your child misbehaves just so he can get on your nerves, but that’s giving your child too much credit. Toddler tantrums are normal. Toddlers are easily frustrated. They can’t do things, plus they don’t have the language skills to express powerful emotions. While it’s tempting to give in to demands during a tantrum, this teaches children you can be manipulated and meltdowns work.

There may be no foolproof way to prevent tantrums, but there is plenty you can do to encourage good behavior in young children.

First of all, keep calm and make a plan. In the early stages of a toddler tantrum, cuddling may end an outburst. On the other hand, acts such as throwing objects are unsafe attempts to call attention to his needs. The more people around, the worse the behavior will likely to be. Carry him away from his audience. In a safe place and in as few words as possible, explain what you’re doing and wait for him to calm down.

Look for factors that may be fueling his outburst and offer abundant praise when the child improves his behavior. If your child isn’t speaking, or speaking clearly, you might teach him sign language for such words as “I want” or “more.” Remember, children are individuals. What works for one, might not work for another.

Help! I'm outta control!

Responding to Tantrums

Given that tantrums are a normal part of growing up, rather than punishing your child, a simple reminder to “use your words” will be effective with pre-schoolers and school-aged children. If specific circumstances trigger tantrums, note and avoid them, or find ways to counteract these conditions.

Give clear expectations and warnings before transitions. Use humor and create games to encourage cooperation. If you are at home, try ignoring whining and crying. For a full-blown tantrum, try a timeout with one minute for each year of the child’s age. Be consistent, firm, calm and neutral. Avoid empty threats such as “If you don’t calm down, we’re not going into the store.” Children know which threats are real and which are empty.

If you lose your temper, apologize. Make it clear that you were upset with what they were doing, not with them. However, don’t apologize for disciplining your child. Discipline teaches self-control, respect for others and how to handle difficult situations in ways that involve words, not hitting.

Experts agree that if by four or five your child is still having passionate, lengthy tantrums, doesn’t respond to consistent limits and consequences, or is regularly destructive, it may be time to seek help. If your child’s behavior is disrupting your family life or interfering with his progress at school, and he shows no signs of growing out of it, then ask your pediatrician for advice.

Wrangling with Teenagers

Teenagers will find ways to express their growing independence. If you are on the lookout for it, you can avoid disagreements wherein attempts to squash behavior triggers anger and rebellion. Parents of teenagers should not get greedy and take more control that they absolutely need to have. However, you should insist on respect because when children are disrespectful to others, it actually lowers their self-image.

Wise parents offer their teenagers non-threatening choices. “Feel free to make as much noise as you like somewhere else, or stay here and be quiet. You decide.” Choices, when offered calmly, give teens a chance to take some control over their lives. The old adage “choose your battles carefully” goes a long way in the ring with teenagers.

Take advice from a veteran. Attempts at making teenagers talk, have the same values as you, or learn will most likely fail. Teenagers enjoy tricking adults into fighting with them. Watching parents get angry and frustrated is great entertainment.

No matter at what age the tantrum occurs, remaining calm is the most important thing. Children become what we are; so be what you want them to be.

The COWCATCHER’S Year in Review

My 2010 Bumper Sticker

I did not send out any Christmas cards this year. I don’t know if that was because I couldn’t afford postage or I had nothing to say but bland generic yet heartfelt wishes. Christmas means something special to me and I despise mixing it with less than meaningful stuff. Good food, fun times, church, friends and family – now that’s entirely different.

Each year I receive a handful of Christmas newsy letters, one in particular is quite a heavy read. My friend Marc has a way of thinking that confounds me not to mention his vocabulary level is out of this universe. I have to have a dictionary by my side to understand what he’s saying and even then there’s some residual confusion. However, I adore getting and reading his Christmas letter, which is in no way generic. His letter to me is personal and that’s why I can’t wait to go to the mailbox in December.

And then there’s my Christmas letter (and family photo) from Chris, my dear friend from Ridge High School. Her year-in-review Christmas letter shows me that there are other families out there who love the Lord and are not ashamed to say so. I JUST LOVE THAT!

I cherish each and every card and letter, by the way. I’m sorry for not reprocating. However, I will send Marc and Chris a copy of my “The COWCATCHER’S Year in Review” letter. The rest of my contacts will receive it by email.

But I’m also posting it here in this link Year in Review. This would be for those of you who would like to know exactly who and what the COWCATCHER is all about. It’s me and I’m a writer and I need readers in order to call myself a writer. I enjoyed writing this piece. I hope to hear from at least a few of you that my journey was not in vain. (You have to read the letter to understand my meaning.)

Fun Ways to Celebrate New Years with the Family

Make Special Occasions Extraordinary!

When the weather is chilly on New Year’s Eve, many of us opt to stay home and celebrate as a family. Here are some ideas to make your party special.

What’s a New Year’s Eve party without the proper hats, noise makers and confetti? Get the kids involved in making these fun accoutrements for your at-home celebration, and have everything ready and waiting when the clock strikes twelve.

Home Movies: Dinner and a Show

Most of us have hours of home videos, but how often do we look at them? Spend the last evening of the year watching the movie of your family’s life with the people you love most. Depending on how many hours of footage you want to review, you may want to have an early and a late show. During intermission, serve the favorite family meal while sharing memories of favorite past experiences.

Try a Different Sort of Meal

Cheese Fondue is a fun, communal meal that everyone enjoys. You’ll need a heavy pot for the fondue, a hot plate or burner to keep the fondue warm on the table, some long forks, and a loaf of crusty bread. Cut the bread into bite-sized pieces, keeping some crust on each piece. When the fondue is ready, gather everyone around the pot with individual forks. Take turns spearing the bread and swirling it in the melted cheese. If you lose your piece of bread in the pot, tradition says you may have to kiss the person on your left, kiss everyone at the table, or pay a forfeit devised by others at the table.

Dessert fondue calls for melted chocolate and pieces of fruit. Try white chocolate and you’ll have “snow covered fruit treats.” Both types of fondue go great with champagne (ginger ale for the kids), making fondue the perfect dish for New Year’s Eve!

Family Slumber Party

Prepare for this activity on New Year’s Eve – that’s part of the fun! Visit the video store and rent movies. Shop for specialty snacks, ones you don’t normally eat. Pick up a deck of cards and break out the board games.

Cook one of your family’s favorite meals and eat it by candlelight in the living room. Then spend the evening watching movies and playing games. Spread pillows and sleeping bags or blankets on the floor and let the whole family camp out for the night. See how many family members are still awake at midnight!

New Year’s Ball at Home

Turn your family room or heated garage into a ballroom with a disco ball, curtains, and strings of lights. Gather lots of different kinds of dance music, from Big Band to current hits, so everyone can have fun dancing. Dress code can be casual or formal.

Make your own disco ball out of paper mache and glittery paper. Fill it with candy and small prizes (movie passes, kazoos, etc.), and let it drop and break open at midnight.

Make Your Bad Luck and Faults Disappear

Try a traditional New Year’s activity that comes from Colombia, South America. Build a dummy representing the Año Nuevo (the old year), using sturdy paper or cardboard. “Dress” it by drawing clothes on it or gluing on scraps of old clothing from each family member. Ask everyone to write down their faults and bad luck on a piece of paper. Exactly at midnight, tear Año Nuevo into shreds. If you have a fire going in your fireplace, throw in the shreds and let them burn. While Año Nuevo is being destroyed, read the list of faults and bad luck out loud, to make them vanish along with the old year.

Make a Good Luck Cake

It’s a Greek tradition to serve Vasilopita (New Year’s Cake) at midnight. This special cake is baked with a coin or charm hidden inside. The head of the household cuts the cake exactly at midnight. Whoever receives the piece with the coin will have good fortune throughout the year. So spend the day baking Vasilopita with your kids. At midnight, welcome in the New Year with a sweet treat and a bit of luck!

Midnight in Another Country

If your kids are small, it’s hard to keep them up for midnight festivities. So celebrate midnight in another country, when it’s still early in your part of the world. Get in the spirit by playing music and serving food from that country. You could celebrate the New Year in Paris, Greenland, or Italy. It’s great fun and everyone is awake for the festivities!

Sing “Old Lang Syne” and Make Some Toasts (or Blessings)

Give children the lyrics for “Auld Lang Syne” and celebrate the start of the new year with the song and some toasts to the special people in the room. You can do a search online for toasts, print them out and use them if creativity or impromptu speaking is not your thing. Better yet, instead of a toast, make it a blessing!

I Checked My List – Fruitcake was Missing!

Pete, Robin and Rose Randisi

This is an important photograph. It’s depicts our family at it’s finest – in the kitchen where Rose’s Christmas Fruitcake originated.

I woke up today and realized I still have something on my Christmas to-do list. In my effort to remain less stressed, I forgot to make FRUITCAKE!  I know, right! But this fruitcake is not your ordinary fruitcake.  READ THIS and you’ll understand. It’s speech I gave, an article I wrote…whatever. And if you don’t believe God cares about us, then I wrote this story just for you.

Make a list of your favorite things about Christmas and I guarantee you it will not include fruitcake. Christmas fruitcake has never made the list unless you are a Randisi. My mother-in-law Rose Randisi made the best Christmas fruitcake bar none. People who have tasted her fruitcake unanimously agree, hers is nothing like the customary fruitcake misfortune everyone dreads. And that is because Rose’s fruitcake is flat out delicious. We normally fight over the last piece, it is that good.

When we lived in Pennsylvania, our family visited my in-laws, Pete and Rose Randisi, for Christmas at their home in Conestoga. Every year we had Rose’s Christmas fruitcake. It was her gift to us, her family. One batch made a dozen mini loaves or three regular sized loaves, so it is quite possible Rose took one day to shop for the ingredients and another two for making, baking and wrapping. I know the amount of time and effort it takes to make these scrumptious treats is substantial. Rose didn’t treat it as if it were a chore. Instead, she joyfully poured herself into the project each and every year. A lot of love went into Rose’s fruitcakes and we loved her for it.

For years we hounded her for the recipe, even before but especially after we moved several states away. “Mom, you don’t have to make us fruitcake every year. It’s a lot of work,” my husband Joe would tell her. “If you could just give us the recipe, we’ll take over.” He knew she was growing older and with age everything take a bit longer. We feared she had lost the recipe, or like her husband Pete, had entered the phase of life wherein everything done in the kitchen is accomplished on autopilot, no recipes necessary. She promised she would get around to giving us the recipe, but she never did. Each year we had to trust she would send us fruitcakes.

HERE’S WHERE THE MIND BLOWING TWIST OCCURS

Then on December 15^th of 2003, we received a phone call from Joe’s sister. Rose had passed away peacefully in her sleep. The paramedics said they’ve never seen such a tranquil look on a dead person’s face. Rose’s last thoughts were happy ones. She left this earth in harmony with her faith. She was now absent from her aging body and present with the Lord. For Rose Randisi, December 15^th 2003 was homecoming day, a cause for great rejoicing and celebration. She left this world to be with Jesus, her glorious Lord and Savior. My mother-in-law spoke of Jesus so often and so openly it was as if they were best of friends. It was hard not to be happy for her.

We were shocked when we learned of her unexpected departure, but we were even more stunned later that day we got our mail. Among some Christmas cards and bills, we found a handwritten letter from Rose that also included her Christmas fruitcake recipe. You could tell this was a labor of love. Her letter appeared painstakingly written and the recipe was written over the span of three oversized index cards. The cards were filled front and back with thorough instructions. Rose had not merely copied the recipe from a cookbook. She sat down at her dining room table and composed the list of ingredients and carefully outlined each step so that her instructions would be as complete as possible. We quickly realized our fruitcake coach must have gone through several attempts to get this recipe in perfect shape.

So you understand, my husband received the news of his mother’s death on the same day he received her prized fruitcake recipe in the mail. How does God do that? A friend of mine experienced a coincidence of the same magnitude and put it this way.

“If you think that is all a series of tidy coincidences, you are folks that believe a tornado passing through a paint store in Italy might touch-up the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.” MARC SABLOW

But wait – there’s MORE!

But the story continues.  Christmas, 2008 — I attended a party that also served as a reunion of some of dear girlfriends. Twenty of us been on a fall retreat together and it was time to celebrate the birth of Christ. Our hostess asked us to share a Christmas prayer request followed by a special Christmas memory. It was also one of those ornament exchanges where the participants pick a number and then choose a wrapped gift in that order. I was number twelve so I had plenty of time to think about which Christmas story I would share with my sisters in Christ.

I actually had something else in mind when all of a sudden I felt compelled to switch to Rose’s Fruitcake story. Unquestionably, Christmas 2003 was very unusual and surely everyone at this party would be awed by God’s providence. While the highlight might have been receiving Rose’s recipe the way we did, the rest of that Christmas was also very tender.

My family and I went to Pennsylvania to minister grace to Joe’s grieving father and his siblings. For example, while we were there, my children and I made fruitcake for everyone and we, of course, included a copy of the recipe. Joe’s family, touched by our gesture and Rose’s pre-emptive gift, felt loved from beyond. I wanted to share with my girlfriends how that Christmas the Randisis became a family with purpose and how everything we did brought glory and honor to God. Rose Randisi had set that trend in motion with her daily devotion to the Lord and her early departure.

Girlfriend number ten was speaking when my cell phone began ringing. I have a very distinct ring. It’s the Steve Wonder song, “I just called to say I love you…” I politely excused myself to turn my phone off and saw that it was a text message from our oldest daughter Robin. “I MADE FRUITCAKE!” Apparently, she was thrilled that she had successful made Grandma Rose’s fruitcake for the first time and she wanted me to know, so she text messaged me — two minutes before I was to tell my Christmas fruitcake story. Once again, how does God do that?

The master planner does not slumber. Again and again and again He amazes me with his steadfast interest in my life, in the least interesting details of my life. And apparently there are ring tones for that.

“I just called to say I love you…”

Christmas Traditions and Scents

The Table Topic today at Toastmasters (now that’s alliteration!!!) : “What scents come to mind when you think of Christmas?” My fellow club member talked about the way the cold winter air smells crisp, Christmas trees smells fresh, and home cooking smells delicious. I thought my Christmas smells of plastic freedom. Here’s why.

Our fake ficus tree in the dining room is filled (again with the alliteration) my colored “happy” lights. Our fake Christmas tree is filled with twinkle lights. I don’t have to deal with pine needles or disposing of the tree afterward…and all of that smells like TIME FREEDOM to me.

The other traditional Christmas scent found at the RANDISI home would have to be Jigsaw puzzle dust. Each year I cart out a card table to the living room for our annual Christmas jigsaw puzzle. We’ve done everything from lighthouses and golf courses of the world to 1000 piece  traditional country scenes. Since we have a fine artist in the family, I’ve been notified never to come home with a Thomas Kincaid ANYTHING. One member in the family has a severe disdain for Kincaid as an artist — for reasons I won’t discuss here. (cough, too commerical)

Now that all three of our children are in their twenties, I had to wait for the perfect puzzle to find me and it did — at the Hospice Community Thrift Store on Matthews Drive. It was there I found a SNL (Saturday Night Live) 500 piece puzzle that features the show’s favorite characters in Andy Warhol style cartoon graphics. See below. To find a puzzle that immediately captured their attention – PRICELESS! (or $3 ) The Coneheads were the first to come together. As of this morning, we have Adam Sandler’s face and two corner pieces located.

Randisi Christmas Puzzle 2009 - SNL

Another Christmas scent is the smell of citrus money. You might think – yeah, I know, right! All that shopping for stuff!! It’s just money going out the door and up the chimney. But in our case, our stockings are stuffed with one dollar bills and an orange. For some reason, when I was growing up, my stocking always had an orange in it. Some traditions cannot die.

For kids and adults alike, a sense of continuity over the years can bring even more joy and warmth to the Christmas holiday season. You probably have some traditions (or scents) that you associate with Christmas. If you like, share them here.

If you’re new at this, here are a few ideas.

1. Decorating for Christmas provides ample opportunities to establish traditions. Teach the kids to string cranberries or popcorn for tree decorations Buying the Christmas tree itself can be a fun family outing to plan for every year. Many Boy Scout troops sell trees as a fundraiser. Find a tree stand or farm near you, and take the kids to pick out the family fir.
2. If your kids like hands-on crafts, show them how to make their own Christmas wreathes. You could even set the same date every year in December as your annual crafts day.
3. Light an Advent Candle. 
Find time either once a week or each night to light a candle of the advent wreath and talk about what the week of Advent represents.
4. Birthday Cake for Jesus. 
Bake a birthday cake and sing Happy Birthday to Jesus.  This is a simple way of reminding ourselves and children why we celebrate Christmas.
5.  Keep the journal from year to year and have family members add new blessings every year.  For those children that are not yet able to write, a simple picture will do.

6. Family Christmas Pajamas
 — on Christmas Eve, open one present…new Christmas Jammies! Don’t forget to take a picture and put it in the family journal.

Most of all, savor all the”togetherness” moments when they come. Don’t rush through the holidays. Be fully present and you’ll give your family the most precious gift of all – YOU!

For more ideas, you know I have to say it – get the BOOK! 201 Things to Do When Children Say I’M BORED! The Checklist and Journal for Busy Families.

Free Family Fun – Just Do IT!

Don't Worry - RELAX!

The holiday season is supposed to a time of celebration and togetherness—but for many of today’s multi-tasking, mile-a-minute families, it can be frenzied with stress, anxiety, and bickering. On top of the regular everyday routines and obligations, we also have to deal with gift shopping, hosting out-of-town guests, and attending a slew of social functions. All too often, busy moms find themselves struggling to get through the holidays and breathing a sigh of relief when they’re over, instead of relaxing and enjoying precious time with loved ones.

Here are five fun things you can do with children that won’t break the piggy bank.

FINISH A JIGSAW PUZZLE TOGETHER: Set up a card table with good lighting and room for chairs. Choose a jigsaw puzzle that won’t be too difficult. Thrift stores are great places to find used jigsaw puzzles. To keep the entire family involved, it may be necessary to assign every member of the family a different task. For example, choose an older child to select the puzzle. Let younger children have the job of turning all the puzzle pieces right side up. Make sure someone is in charge of finding the corner pieces and grouping puzzle pieces by color. By encouraging teamwork the project will be much more fun.

MAKE AND SET UP A HOT CHOCOLATE STAND: Instead of selling lemonade at the end of your driveway, rally round your children selling (or giving away) hot chocolate. You’ll need plenty of hot chocolate mix, whipped cream in a can, and several hot thermoses. Serve with a sprinkle of cinnamon or mini marshmallows. Don’t forget to take pictures or video!

CLOTHES PILE UP: Gather a pile of clothing. Turn on the television. It doesn’t matter what you’re watching as long as it ISN’T commercial-free. When a commercial comes on, everyone has to put on as much clothing as possible. When the commercial ends, the person with the most clothes on their body wins. Let children put on old grownup clothes. Hats, gloves, mittens, scarves, and socks count.

READING CHARADES: Write the title of books on slips of paper, choosing titles your children know. Fold the papers, and put them in a bowl or a hat. One person draws a slip of paper and pantomimes the title. Whoever guesses correctly will have the next turn.

REQUEST FREE INFORMATION: Pick a topic, such as National Parks in the United States, and research how to have free information sent to you. This is a fun way to learn about things, plus children will eagerly retrieve the mail each day. Keep a record of each contact you make and how long it took to get the requested material. Send the organization a thank-you note whenever appropriate.

From the author of 201 Things to Do When Children Say I’M BORED!

It doesn’t get any easier than this.

Get the digital Ebook for only $7.99!  Available in all digital reader formats. iPhone, Sony, Kindle, pdf., all of them. No graphics, just the text. Great for road trips!!

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For College Bound Students – Some SAT Prep Tips

Ivy Leaguers All the Way!

STUDENTS Rock!

I love it when students succeed. My desire to help students (and their families) reach their full potential is the reason I founded COWCATCHER Publications and Presentations. As an author and speaker, I help remove obstacles by providing timely, insightful advice and information.

With that in mind, here are some SAT Tips for college bound students. SATTips

Also from The COWCATCHER’S vault of knowledge, here’s a newsletter College Essay that every college bound student should read. I’ve taken the time to extract essential nuggets from the experts so you don’t have to read entire books. I’m not discouraging anyone from reading books. Please don’t misunderstand. If anything, the information I put out there often compels people to go directly to the source. As a kid, I just happened to love doing book reports.

Let me know if you would like The COWCATCHER’s personal input on your college essay. Leave a comment and I will get back to you. It’s never too early to begin thinking about and composing your college essay…listen up high school students!

Grocery Games for Thanksgiving Shopping

Don’t Forget to Sprinkle Some Fun into Your Thanksgiving Holiday!

A stress-free holiday…is that just a myth, or can it be your reality?

I’ll go ahead and confess – I’m a mom recovering from Martha Stewart syndrome. Not everything will be perfect at my house this Thanksgiving. I’m letting go of perfectionism and all expectations because I no longer want to deal with the stress. My hair is gray enough, thank you very much. I’m not even going to insist on making my Nana’s Heavenly Pie, which has only four ingredients three of which are sugar. Actually, the pie is a diabetic nightmare that under certain conditions could take people straight to heaven.

Here’s my secret. Plan ahead and stress will remove itself from your holidays. Be intentional about including all members of the family in all aspects of the holiday. Some can decorate, others can chop, and a select few can shop. As you delegate age-appropriate tasks and let go of some of the duties, you will be more available for the “living in the moment” fun stuff.

Here’s the kicker. Most of us have to plan to have fun with our families or the opportunity will pass right by us. True that!

While I have one really great grocery store related idea in my book, 201 Things to Do When Children Say I’M BORED!, I felt this 12-page booklet of GroceryGames would also be a terrific resource for families who visit with me on this blog. I found it at FamilyEducation.com. Children will love playing Food Bingo, Guess the Weight, I’ve Got Your Number and The Price is Right. And there’s more. Check it and let me know what you think!

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Question was…How to Deal with Preteen Sass?

The COWCATCHER Answers Parenting Questions

With Insightful Advice, Personal Stories and Book Recommends

Here’s the first question. Thanks to Susan!

Because I’m growing my contact list, I’ve made an incredible offer here in this post. LOOK for it!

Dear Susan,

I understand how challenging it can be to express (or even feel) love toward a child that walks in the door with an “attitude” or bursts into flames at the drop of a hat. I’ve been through it three times and I’m here to tell you, Susan, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Keep in mind preteens are developing into adults, which means hormones drive their emotions and emotions drive their actions. As parents, we can see some outwards signs that tell us to beware, but we cannot predict the inner changes that make children feel extremely uncomfortable and often behave in defiant ways. These psychological and physical changes are a lot to handle.

With that in mind, I recommend adding compassion to the situation. When you add compassion to any equation, consistently and repeatedly, it will bring about immediate dramatic change. As Frederick Buechner says,

“Compassion is the capacity for feeling what it is like to live inside somebody else’s skin. It is the knowledge that there can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is peace and joy finally for you too.”

In other words, parents should accept how preteens “act” as normal and appropriate for their age. This shift in our attitude makes room for compassionate thoughts and actions.

Practically speaking, I recommend you teach your children how to be accountable for their behavior by simply asking them to share what’s going on with them that is causing them to do what they are doing. Learn to resist the urge to analyze and fix. Once feelings are voiced (AND UNDERSTOOD), you two can come up with a solution. In my family, I tried to get my hormonal people into a game of Ping Pong. It was my way of distracting them until their body chemistry evened out. Ping Pong was an enjoyable physical outlet for venting their emotions – providing I let them win. Cough, wink.

Also, as long as my children, especially the two girls, were taking good vitamins, extreme monthly moodiness was kept to a minimum. Children, both boys and girls, need to get B12, magnesium and calcium into them. I swear by this. I regret that I never applied for a government grant to study my theory. It would have been short and sweet because the evidence would have come in very quickly, perhaps in a matter of three months or less. The difference was like night and day. Even my children recognized the difference vitamins made. (I can recommend great vitamins, if you don’t have a source already.  Just email me @ jodie.randisi@gmail.com)

Most importantly, let your children know that you believe in them. Give them affirmation and positive encouragement whenever possible and stay connected.

RECOMMENDED READING:

– How to Hug a Porcupine: Negotiating Prickly Points of the Tween Years by Julie Ross. At the very least, you will laugh a lot and be comforted knowing that nothing you’re experiencing is abnormal. I would purposefully leave it out in the open for them to pick up and read. Yes, I would!

– Make a Difference with The Power of Connection by Mary Robinson Reynolds. Go to http://www.makeadifferencemember.com/idevaffiliate.php?id=731_5. You can read through the entire book online and watch an inspirational movie. It’s AWESOME stuff!

– Naturally, I recommend 201 Things to Do When Children Say I’M BORED! The Checklist and Journal for Busy Families, by yours truly. The activities in the book cover all age ranges, 3 to 16, and I know you will find tons of things you and your tweenager can do together. Spending time with children makes a HUGE difference. Here’s the link for your convenience:  http://www.201thingstodo.com .

SPECIAL OFFER:
I am currently working to expand my contact list. Susan, if you would feel comfortable forwarding my information to five or more friends who might also like to ask a parenting question, I would be happy to give you a FREE downloadable 201 Things to Do When Children Say I’M BORED! ebook. I’ve attached a sample email that you could forward to people you know.

Hi _____________,

I’m sending you this email because I’ve discovered a great resource for parents.

Jodie Randisi is the author of 201 Things to Do When Children Say I’M BORED! The Checklist and Journal for Busy Families, and she is hoping parents, grandparents, teachers and babysitters will visit her website. She is looking for people to send her parenting questions or concerns, which she addresses personally.

The question form can be found on the home page: http://www.201thingstodo.com. Make sure you include a question and “I found you at The COWCATCHER’S BLOG.” I’m confident you will enjoy hearing back from Jodie, The COWCATCHER.
Sincerely,
(your name)

The book is 70 pages filled with colorful graphics and creative space for journaling. The best thing about an ebook is that once you save the file, you can go back and print the pages as many times as you want. Mess-ups are not a problem. I recommend printing a copy for each child then putting the pages in a 3-ring binder. You can put my cover on the outside or ask them to create their own cover. It’s great gift idea for grandparents, teachers, and babysitters.

Thanks for the great question, by the way. I truly appreciate the opportunity to help.

Building better families,
Jodie Randisi
The COWCATCHER