“Mom, I HATE YOU!” When you child says these words, it may actually be a sign you’re doing something right.
I have to agree with Valerie Frankel who wrote the article in this month’s Good Housekeeping magazine, OCT 09, p.111.
When your kid give you a red card or “fires” you, be confident. You’re on the right track. If you have a parenting style that brings on cries of “You’re so mean!” then you should be proud. Children need boundaries whether they like them or not and parents need to establish codes of acceptable behavior. Sure, it’s tempting to be the nice parent and avoid temper tantrums, but I’m convinced a couple of temper tantrums are well worth the aggravation. Once a parent establishes herself or himself as the authority, the child, believe it or not, will come to appreciate a much-needed sense of security.
TODAY’S BEST ADVICE: Do not put your child’s happiness above your moral obligation to set healthy boundaries. Do not let children grow up thinking their happiness is the priority. Ask any teacher. They’ll tell you which student lives in a home wherein their happiness is the priority.
DO NOT BECOME YOUR CHILD’S BFF. The last time I had to be the tough parent, I had to take away my daughter’s car keys. She was in a rage about something (who can remember what) and I forced her to give me her keys so she could not “get away from me.” She even argued that some space would do her some good. I disagreed. I knew that driving while in a rage might lead to a disaster. I take my parenting seriously and suffered through the evening of her displeasure.
BY THE WAY…The next day I wrote her a letter to explain how much I LOVED HER. I copied pages out of a sappy greeting card booklet, added my own notes and tape the pages all over her mirror, her door and bed frame. She had no choice but to see the evidence of my love. Now that things have settled down seven years later, I’m thinking I’ve instilled in her at least one parenting skill I call “Let ’em Hate You.”