At my house we like to play a game called Can I Guess What You Just Said?
My husband has been having problems hearing normal conversation lately. When I gently informed him of his brand new annoying condition, his excuse was hardly original. “I was eating a potato chip.” If that’s the case, he must have chips tucked away in every nook, cranny and pocket because he’s constantly saying, “What! What was that?”
The children are concerned. Apparently, I’ve also lost the ability to distinguish sounds. When hubby said, “Our electric bill went up,” I did a quick assessment to make sure I got it right and shot back, “Did you say our liquor bill went up?” Get one word wrong and you’re an idiot. Sheesh. Later my daughter asked, “Hey, Ma, do you need me to go to the Post Office for you?” and I said, “Did you say there’s an alligator in the backyard?” By the look on her face I could tell there was nothing else to do but try again. “Did you say…?” Not one correct word, not even close.
Then, magically, as if AsSeenOnTv leprechauns were listening in on our family’s dilemma, a commercial came on television. “Ever wonder what people are saying about you?” No. What I don’t know will keep me from embarrassing attempts to preserve my reputation. “So powerful you can hear a pin drop from across the room.” If a pin falls on carpet, does it make a sound?
While I was busy refuting the benefits of personal sound amplification devices, I missed bits and pieces of the commercial. Intellect, by the way, is the sense that kicks in when your hearing goes kapootie. When the spokesperson said, “…keep an ear on your children when they’re out of range…,” my ears perked up. With several fresh examples of recent communication mishaps, a thought occurred to me. Yes, My Listening Lordship, I would like to know what the children are saying to me and about me.
The offer was bogo. Buy one, get one. Get two for the price of one, plus shipping and handling, of course. Chances were good to excellent that if I could get one of these spy-like devices around one of hubby’s ears, he would have no choice but to listen to me when I talk. And at least one kid could relax and stop worrying about us old folks embarrassing them. I didn’t make the purchase, however. I realized hubby and I might not have hearing problems. It could be we have a paying attention problem. But then again, we can’t all be listeners.